Speed of Time

Speed of Time

While working on some plans for TYJ recently, I became fixated on all kinds of dates and timelines and gradually realized that time seems to pass much more quickly than when I was a youngster. Back in those days the school year seemed to drag on, to the point where I thought summer would never come. Winter seemed to fill the whole year before the first crocuses, tulips, and azaleas would show up. Being grounded for a week or so felt like a life sentence. And yet, the reality is that time is constant and only changes its speed in our minds. The most important thing I grasped during my struggle with breast cancer is that every day, every minute, has meaning. I’ve learned that this moment, here and now, deserves all of my energy and focus. I don’t glance back unless I’m looking for the lessons of life. I only look forward when it’s necessary, and I do so with great anticipation. Other than that, it’s today and every moment in it that counts most for me.

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” –Lao-tzu

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Opposite Day

Opposite Day

Did you ever play that game as a kid? Back where I grew up it was one of the great mind games of our youth. If the boy you liked said he didn’t like you, you’d then scream out “Opposite Day!” meaning he liked you. Of course he’d go along with the game and yell back “I like you!” and you’d reply “I know.” Many of the things we did in our childhood were silly, but they were nevertheless important parts of the journey.

As an adult I still I play Opposite Day a lot, but without screaming the words. If the news says one out of four women will get breast cancer, I then say three out of four will not. If I hear that the unemployment rate is 8%, then I remind myself that 92% of us have jobs. And so the game goes on. I think it’s important to affirm daily that there are many more good things going on in this world than not. We so often get hung up on that one bad statistic, that one annoying problem, that one negative remark about us that we forget to acknowledge and appreciate all the wonderful things happening in our lives. If you feel the need to scream “Opposite Day,” don’t be surprised if someone yells back “I like you!”

“This is my life. It is my one time to be me. I want to experience every good thing.”
Maya Angelou (1928- )

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You Just Never Know

You Just Never Know

I got an email this morning informing me of the death of a dear friend, Linda Smith, who had just finished up her chemotherapy and was moving on to radiation treatment in her battle with cancer. I was blessed to have had dinner with her when I was back home in Georgia this past April. Linda looked terrific, and we spent time discussing her journey which had become focused on her ongoing fight with cancer. Linda was a wonderful lady and a dear friend to all who knew her.

You just never know when that time will come for a friend or family member to move on. So often we discuss the value of living each day to the fullest, but things always seem to get in the way of doing that. The passing of a dear friend reinforces my belief that you just never know when you might be having that last meal, that last laugh or that last smile with someone special sharing your journey. Today is a new day and a great day to reach out to all the wonderful people in your life because…you just never know.

“Many people will walk in and out of our life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” --Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)

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Coach to First

Coach to First

On a recent flight I was fortunate to have a bulkhead seat in coach with plenty of extra leg room. Being six feet tall has its advantages but not necessarily in an airplane. On this flight there was a lot of activity in front of me because of the bathroom location opposite a small open area that some passengers used to stretch their legs. The one thing that caught my eye was the thin curtain between coach and first class. You could see right through it and even walk beyond it if need be.

In life we often think of ourselves as being in coach when we’re actually just a mental step or two away from first class. After years of being subjected to arbitrary and sometimes mean-spirited criticism and ego-shattering comments, especially from people in authority, we develop a tendency to shortchange ourselves and lose sight of our true worthiness and potential to make a difference. It’s up to each of us to shake off those negative inputs and get to work being all that we were meant to be in this world.

“The question is not “can you make a difference?” You already do make a difference. It’s just a matter of what kind of difference you want to make, during your life on this planet.”
--Julia Butterfly Hill (1974-) American Environmental Activist

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Go With the Flow

Go With the Flow

Whenever I travel, it’s a good bet that I’m going to meet people who inspire me. In my pre-cancer days, I’d always find myself resisting the little things in life, like a meeting that I felt was unnecessary or a personnel review I wanted to avoid. I didn’t even want to deal with my computer crashing, which leads me to Mr. Go-with-the-Flow. Whenever I had computer issues, I would go to the company’s I.T. department to see my buddy, Kim. I’d walk in all flustered, only to hear his calming “go with the flow” regardless of the seriousness of the problem. After a couple of these visits I named him--tongue-in-cheek--Mr. Go-with-the-Flow.

In the course of reflection during many hours of chemotherapy treatments, I began to understand and appreciate what Kim had been telling me over the years. I had been fighting the current of Life instead of just rowing my boat gently down the stream.

It’s not always easy to accept the timing of events in our lives. Lately I find myself revisiting incidents as far back as I can remember. I love finding the meaning and value of the journey and just how much each step influenced me to take the next step. I’m learning to “go with the flow” while at the same time remaining mindful of my choices in life. And I’m more grateful than ever to Kim for putting up with my computer frustrations for so many years and using those sessions to teach me an important lesson about life. Now I realize it had nothing to do with the computer, but it was all about meeting Kim.

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The Love Doctor

The Love Doctor

Over the weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Dr. Susan Love, who is known worldwide as one of the founding mothers of the breast cancer advocacy movement. She strongly feels that we now have the tools we need to target where breast cancer starts and lack only the will and resources to make prevention a reality. I agree with her wholeheartedly, especially after listening to her speak this past Saturday.

I can only imagine what a world without breast cancer might be like. Intuitively, I feel that there are many elements that activate this disease, and prevention is clearly a better path than treatment. I’m grateful that treatment kept me alive during a time in my life when prevention was not the common goal. Fortunately life is changing for us all, and the future holds great news for mothers, daughters, nieces, friends and women everywhere. Thank you, Dr. Love.

“The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work.”—Oprah Winfrey (1954- )

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Imaginary Script

Imaginary Script

I have to admit that over the years I’ve watched soap operas on occasion. In college it was Another World, followed by General Hospital in my 20s and Days of our Lives in my 30s. After celebrating my 40th, I turned to Young and the Restless, which I had actually become acquainted with years earlier. I had a buyer at a large sporting goods store in Atlanta who enjoyed the show but couldn’t keep up with it because of her work schedule. I’d buy a copy of Soap Opera Digest just so I could carry on a conversation with her about all that was going on in the Y&R world. I’ve never had the time to watch these on a daily basis, but you can always find someone who’ll fill you in on all the latest goings-on. Plus, because of a phenomenon called soap opera speed, the same story line can go on for a year or more thus never leaving you out of the loop.

I believe that many of us find ourselves living out these imaginary scripts--albeit not always as dramatic as the soaps--and creating a lot of unnecessary drama in our own lives. Some of us have become so attached to drama that it; has become part of our persona. True happiness and a fulfilling life don’t evolve from artificial drama. The excitement in life comes from the discovery of the script within you, which includes your inner joy, peace, and serenity—your own true nature.

“It is hard to tell which is worst; the wide diffusion of things that are not true, or the suppression of things that are true.”—Harriet Martineau (1802-1876) English Journalist and Social Reformer

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